Is it worth it?

In my eight years of work with the homeless I remember the handful of incidents when I've cringed inside after an interaction.  One of these times was just last month.  We were getting ready to hold our regular 'To the Streets' distribution on the third Saturday of December, as we always do when the snowpocalypse came to Seattle.  Everything was getting cancelled or shut down and as I looked outside I remember how I really wanted to stay home with a cup of hot cocoa in one hand, a good book in the other and snuggled up near our fireplace.  Not long after that initial thought crossed my mind I remembered that my brothers and sisters who were homeless didn't have that option.  I realized that I had a priveledge of escaping the bitter cold by just simply staying in my house-- a luxury the homeless do not get to participate in.  I realized that whether rain, sleet, snow or shine these men and women-- well they are homeless-- if they weather is bad or the conditions get extremely cold they don't have the amazing priviledge, as I do to just bundle up and hunker down in doors.  They are homeless in all conditions.  So after recognizing this revelation and honestly feeling quite proud of myself for recognizing it I called a few volunteers who were curious if we'd be still holding the distribution and I said, 'We're on!  See you on the corner of 15th & Market".

      When we finally got out to our regular meeting area I felt completly excited about the opportunity to serve.  Shortly thereafter a misunderstanding occured between me and a woman we were serving and before I knew it I was being cussed out and yelled at and I felt completely taken off guard.  For a moment, I felt a little wounded-- after all this was a huge sacrifice for me to drudge myself out there in the snow to be a help.  I think that my heart was motivated in the right place-- I truly did want to help but it's funny after this interaction I began to doubt myself.  I started to question was it worth going out and helping when in the end there was so much misunderstanding.  I think most of all my pride, my ego was wounded-- couldn't this woman see how helpful I was?  And what a great sacrifice it was that we made it out there at all that day?  And because I was in such a subjective place I almost, for one split second, answered the question by saying, "No.  It wasn't worth it".  Then a new revelation came to me and that was one of grace.  A revelation of a Christ who served regardless of misunderstanding or insult-- a God who loves and challenges us to love beyond all personal desire or agenda.

     Another recent experience where I felt myself turning inside was this past Saturday at our January distribution.  We did our regular stuff to get ready for the distribution.  We loaded up and headed down.  After we got everything set up a guy walked up to me shivering and said that he just needed a cup of coffee because he was so cold.  I poured him a cup and stood there to talk with him a bit when he shared that the night before his friend, who was homeless and had no coat, nodded off to sleep and when he woke up in the morning his friend was dead due to the exposure.  He had just come from the authorities taking his body and with tears in his eyes he shared, "He was a really good friend.  I'm going to miss him".  Again, stunned, taken off guard, for a different reason, but again finding myself churning over questions like, "Are we making a difference?  Does this work matter"?  I regularly talk about the vulnerabilities this population faces exposed to the cold, but this was my first encounter with someone who had died as a result.  

     I find that God has a way of putting us to the test.  The moment we find ourselves in a difficult situation it is easy to abandon the convictions that we have.  While we are in our lofty spaces theorizing, brainstorming solutions and participating in lots of talk about what it means to help others God has a way of exposing us and challenges us to question if there is more to us then just words.  It is quite novel and romantic to talk about missions to the poor but when things don't quite turn out as we expected them we find that a back door to the problem seems to be the most attractive solution.  We think, "Well maybe I heard God wrong or someone else will come a long to help".  I assure you that if you heard God knocking on your heart to serve the homeless you did not hear wrong-- He was speaking to you.  But as with everything when God reveals his grace and calling on our lives we have the freedom to respond and do something about it.  As a pastor to the homeless, I share these stories with you not to say, "Look, I'm great".  I share them to expose the reality that I have fears and short-coming and issues of pride, as we all do, when it comes to self-sacrifice and helping the poor.  As pure and intentional as I'd like to think my actions are the reality is they are often shrouded in my own personal grandiose plans.  So I battle not only for the compassionate action and love for our homeless brothers and sisters, but I battle my very will.  

     The only way that we really get past these fears is to actually engage them.  Perhaps we fear the homeless because of some bad interaction or the media's representation of them or things we've been told about them, but the only way to dispel those fears is by actually engaging the homeless and educating ourselves on issues of homelessness.  I hope that we will engage that together.

     In our work with the homeless I am constantly reminding myself and volunteers that we are in the business of building dignity and reflecting the beauty of each man, woman and child.  Imagine what it would be like to be feared, unacknowledged or avoided by the bulk of society every day-- I would think that that would have some serious repercutions on your psyche, your esteem your self-value.  We see visibly the challenges of the homeless on the outside-- no home, no clean clothes, no access to food, etc.  But we are not always aware of the internal damage that is on-going in the homeless person's story.  Join me in prayer and seeking God on behalf of our homeless neighbors.

     Join us in March for an important discussion entitled: Why the Homeless?  We will be hosting community leaders and advocates from the local community for a panel discussion on what it means to serve the homeless and to help us understand the barriers the homeless face.  Panelists include: Craig Rennebohm (chaplain to the homeless), Tim Harris (director of realchange) and Rick Reynolds (director of operation nighwatch) to name a few... Watch for more information!